Stories from The Front – What Chronic Pain Patients Are Saying About Suicide
When our friend, Terri Lewis Ph.D., announced she was looking for data about people with chronic pain who either have considered suicide or whose family member took their own life, we thought we’d help.
She is trying to create a subset of the largest chronic pain survey yet taken to help government regulators and others understand the desperation that the chronic pain community is enduring.
We knew—just knew—that the stories would be painful.
Here are two that we saw:
Kathleen Kaiser
On February 4th, 2019 I attempted suicide by taking a total of 170 opiate tablets. Surprisingly enough I lived. I had my medication reduced from 120 mme to 90 mme about a year ago. During that year I broke a total of eight bones, five of which were vertebrae. The most they would allow me to take while these bones were healing was an extra 15 mme. (two morphine ER and five 10 mg oxycodone) it was all more than I could take and that’s why I finally tried to kill myself. And to be perfectly honest I had been planning this for 6 months. I went through a lot of prep and I did a lot of research.\And I don’t have any opiates now because of what I did.
A reader identified only as Jess: My Brother & I both have/had chronic pain, I guess you could say we have bad genes. After the CDC guidelines was released my brother was abruptly taken off his pain medication in 2016. That same year he tried to commit suicide & was taken to the hospital put in the ICU. Thankfully he didn’t succeed that day. I remember going to the hospital & completely understanding why he wanted so bad not to live anymore. He was alone, abandoned & no Dr or hospital would help his pain. He told me that he felt that there wasn’t a reason to go on, that the pain was just too much. He felt alone! I’m not sure why he was taken off his medications, but I do know that he was doing so much better when he was on his pain medication. My brother was only 35 & he loved helping others, especially the elderly. In fact he would take care of some in his apartment building, that couldn’t help themselves. My brother had a huge heart. On November 2017 the day before Thanksgiving, I got that call. Zack died last night one of my sisters told me, I instantly thought he did it, he committed suicide, but I was wrong. He overdosed on illicit fentanyl & a mix of other drugs were found in his system. This was thus far the worst day of my life! I can’t even imagine what my mom was feeling, having kids myself I just can’t bear to think about losing one of my kids, it’s devastating! I feel my brother would be with us today if he still had his pain medication that gave him a better quality of life. He is missed so very much; my life hasn’t been the same without him. I really hope that something is done to help those of in the chronic pain community & honestly anyone that does have an addiction because they have a illness to it’s just not the same as us chronic pain patients who have been stable for years on pain medication. Who tried every therapy or alternative out there before trying pain medication? Chronic Pain Patients are not the problem!
Editor’s Note: Have you thought about suicide due to chronic pain? Has a loved one? If so, contact Dr. Lewis via email : tal7291@yahoo.com or leave a comment after this story.
Filed under: General Problems
You know, I went through and entire year of being rapid tapered off my pain meds AND my psych meds because neither my pain dr or my psych dr wanted to deal with the bureaucracy so I was arbitrarily let go from both practices 4 weeks apart from each other. Only by the grace of God did another dr (2 states away) take me and reinstated 80% of my medications. Although I am much more stable physically than I was without, the trauma and confusion that lingers leaves me feeling terrified, literally like I am facing a firing squad, every month when it is time to get my meds filled. There have been several times where my scripts have been allowed to lapse because of whatever reason with miscommunication with the drs office and/or pharmacy because they feel that have to cut the timing so close that I usually get screwed. I am constantly fighting depression and anxiety from that ever-present, ever-changing “other shoe” that I just KNOW is going to drop on my head one day. This past month I entertained suicidal thoughts FAR more than I ever have before and THAT is traumatizing. If I knew where to find all these super easy to access street drugs that seem to be all over the place then at least I would have something to bridge the days I have to wait for delayed orders of my scripts to come in, but guess what? Street stuff isn’t that easy to come by and even if it was I don’t have insurance for “self-employed-pharmacists”.
The ongoing psychological torture is worse in some ways than the withdrawals and pain.
I’m tired of being terrorized just because I want to be able to take care of myself and my family and, you know, enjoy the basic realities of humanity that these people condemning us to this living hell are themselves enjoying.
After a bad car wreck and my 5th neck injury I was ready to end my life. Then I found pain management and transdermal fentanyl patches. No surgeon wanted to touch my c-spine. I spent 15 years on those patches, they kept me alive and sane with a tolerable quality of life. After further injury I found my surgeon, had a successful procedure fusing my vertebrae, removing and replacing discs, addressed my stenosis with titanium and freed trapped nerves. Within 4 months I tapered off the patches and all narcotics successfully.
Now I manage my Fibromyalgia pain with Cyclobenzaprine, Bupropion and low dose Cannabis edibles. On a bad day 2 – 3 times a day I take an edible. And I attend water aerobics classes 3 – 4 times a week. The exercise is as crucial as the trigger point injections I get. If I want to be able to move I must keep moving. I started working out 2 years before my surgery so while I was getting good pain relief. The cannabis distracts my brain just enough to allow me to exercise. And I am learning how to perform manual trigger point release on my self from my DO.
All this made possible by effective pain management. Opioids are necessary for chronic pain patients. They saved my life and I know I’m not alone. That’s what they are for so this lunacy of removing patients from their meds is cruel at best. The numbers don’t lie, when titrated correctly it’s not the patients becoming addicts.
It is so weird seeing my family & I’s personal story on Pharmacist Steve’s blog ( someone I look up too) & on the National Pain Reports blog. But I had to tell my story because my brother James Zachary Fisher ( Zack ) story is one that will keep happening to the ones we love! If you ( the Government, CDC, & DEA ) think this is quietly going away ..it’s not! People are going to continue to either end their lives or move on to do harmful illegal Street drug! Wake up CDC, FDA, DEA & our Government that’s supposed to protect us! This is going to continue to end with tragedy! So let’s band together & continue this fight together & hopefully one day they’ll listen to us CPP! Jess ( Jessica Agee ) Brandica_jessy on Twitter