The time has come. I’ve felt this coming on for awhile. It’s amazing, I waited for it to really hit me even though I knew it had been there. I had to wait. It finally hit me. Tonight. One week after my 49th birthday. I knew I was close.
I’m done guys. I’m done. I will remain the VP of CIAAG with Lauren but I’m done
My life has moved on. I’ve moved on. I’ve learned a lot this past year.
I don’t have it in me anymore to be an activist. I gave it my all. I did my job. I exposed a lot of stuff. I put the truth out there. Now it’s up to you to decide what you will do with it.
There are spies in here who have taken my words, screenshot them, replicated them on sick websites dedicated to harming my partner and I. You guys are sick (the ones who did this). You know that? I mean sick in ways most of us can’t comprehend. You’re obsessed and sick. I feel sorry for you. I hope you get help. The constant obsession with my words, the going into chat rooms to lie about me, make up stories, say I’m attacking you, that I’m trying to harm you…you’re fun is over. My friends know who I am and what I’m about. They know I’m not capable of what you accuse me of.
I’m done.
I’m done trying to have my voice heard. I’m done making videos. I knew I was done when I deleted my 160+ videos off periscope but I tried to fight it. I tried to deny myself what I knew in my heart. I didn’t think I wanted to be done until I realized I really did. I felt like I had to keep going at my own expense. I tried to hide it from myself. I tried to convince myself it wasn’t true but the more I tried to lie to myself…the more evident it became. It’s over…I’m done.
My identity as an activist is over. I will still work with my friends on the back end but I’m done. Those of you who wanted to harm me? Don’t waste your time because I don’t care.
I used to look. I used to see what you said about me. I don’t look anymore. You can’t hurt me now. I don’t care about you or your words. Go lie about someone else. I’m gone, you can’t lie about me anymore.
Lauren and I have moved on to bigger and better things but activism isn’t in my heart anymore. My passion is gone and I’m no longer going to try and force myself to pretend it’s there.
Please (those of you who tried to hurt me and continue to lie) don’t bother taking credit for this, it has nothing to do with you.
This has to do with me.
I’ve gone through a major life transformation. I felt it coming on a little over a year ago. I knew this wasn’t going to be me for the rest of my life. I knew activism wasn’t my end goal nor my final destination. Tonight it has finally hit me.
The transformation has been completed.
I know what I’m doing and where I’m going.
I’m not leaving because of you.
Im leaving because of me.
I’m still “here” but I’m not.
I just see myself differently now. My heart has left and you can’t harm me anymore.
I will not be turning Twitter back on. I’m going to let my account lapse. I’m tired of being Shasta the activist. It’s time for me to just be Shasta now. Just Shasta Rayne. The one who is a wife, friend, mother. She’s not an activist anymore. I’m not your whipping toy anymore.
I’ll always be around but it’s different now.
I’ll still be working with Lauren. She’s my best friend. I’m loyal. I believe in her. I believe in CIAAG. I will always stand firmly besides my best friend. She’s a great lady. For those of you who’ve chosen to believe lies about her, you’re doing yourself a disservice. I’ve never had a better friend. We’ve never been in an argument, yelled at each other or been angry at each other. She’s never lied to me, hurt me or stolen from me. She gives me credit when I just don’t think I deserve it. She’s a phenomenal woman, mother and friend. I will ALWAYS support her. For those of you who don’t support her, you’re missing out. I’ve been with her almost every single day for the past 3 years. I was there to feel her baby kick her for the first time, I have been there to help her when she’s been attacked and now I get to experience the joy of watching her dreams come true…watching her succeed despite those who spend their days trying to harm her. She’s stronger than most and has my undying love and respect.
I’ll always be here for her and for those of you who are my friends. You know who you are.
I’ll still be CIAAG. I’ll still do what I can to help this movement but my heart has moved on. I have to be honest. It’s time for Shasta to move on now.
I’m tired.
I did what I set out to do. I achieved it.
It’s over.
Good luck.
there seems to be a dedicated VERY SMALL MINORITY within the chronic pain community that seems DAMN DETERMINED to destroy – RUN OFF as many major chronic pain advocates as they can. It appears that the DEA is – ONCE AGAIN – going to reduce the number of opiate doses that the pharmas can produce in 2022… How many more intractable chronic pain pts are going to have their meds reduced/eliminated and how many more are going to be made house/bed/chair confined ? Basically, more and more chronic pain pts are being placed under HOUSE ARREST.
Many more chronic pain pts will end up dying premature deaths and/or committing suicides from the complications of the comorbidity issues as more and more have their meds reduced or lost.
They claim that there are 100+ million chronic pain pts… I doubt that there is 0.01% of that number are actively involved with trying to rectify all the harm that is being done to the chronic pain community as a whole.
There could be < 100 dissenters that are the driving force behind instigating all the in fighting and causing an increasing number of active advocates to just throw in the towel.
Why is anyone in the chronic pain community tolerating these disruptors ?… You know who they are … unfollow them, unfriend them… ostracize them… they have no place in the chronic pain community.
Filed under: General Problems
I felt that in my soul. Sending so much love to you Shasta (and Lauren) I am forever grateful for all of your hard work and effort for the chronic pain community. You are both amazing warriors and I am proud to call you my friends. Carry on lovely ladies and live life on your terms.
I get it. I really do. I belonged to a bunch of advocacy groups on FB. I did everything that I could think of, letter writing, calls to senators and congressional representatives, I even spoke with the CDC.
What did I hear about everything? Negativity, and pleas from people to “get their pain care back!”
I finally got tired…I’m pretty much bedridden, only going out to doctors appointments.
It wasn’t doing any good either. For my troubles, I would get FORM LETTERS!
If I thought that I could get through, I would call the POTUS himself, but it wouldn’t do anything.
Our marvelous government is trying to kill us. I know that sounds paranoid, but hey…it takes us off the SSD and medical insurance rolls, which in turn, saves the government money!
Isn’t that brilliant? Genocide in our own country and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it!!!
I’m very sad to read this. I had no idea that you and your partner have received threats. I hate to see you go but I do understand. How can I contact you in the future? I am very fortunate that I have a doc that will still write my scrips for high dose oxycodone. I won’t reveal his name because he is so swamped, he can’t take anymore patients. On the bad side, the doc is in California and I live in Virginia but I still have meds – for how long I don’t know. Best of luck in your future work.
Sincerely,
Louis Ogden
I am hoping this problem with pain control might fix itself someday soon. As I say a big quake on the coast would grow interest in the absence of pain control a big, big hurry. And as we know pain moves in a circle that ‘comes around’… The number of abandoned can ONLY grow bigger. The problem is, will younger folk ever even know that something like effective pain control once existed?
Reading this breaks my heart. I have no words. Shasta is/was an amazing, intelligent, knowledgeable person who I was proud to have on our side of this battle for adequate pain control. I wonder how much more I can do, if she cannot. It is exhausting and news like this makes me lose hope. No words, just tears.
I find this disheartening? What does the community think will happen as these dissenters divide and conquer our best Advocates and resources? Presently l see little hope of change and losing our top supporters will weaken us. I, too, was very active and threw in the towel when dissenters contacted my elderly mother seeking $ for my son who they claimed was in jail, they messed with all my accounts, etc. And l really wasn’t affiliated with any group, but rather choose to go it alone. Numerous crazy stuff was happening to me.and l knew who it was but what is one to do. Recently, l had the urge to get involved again as FL NEEDS HELP AND HAS THE LARGEST POPULATION OF ELDERLY, but lm changing my mind quickly with the current state of things. I wish those hurt would expose the people, some l recognize, others I do not? Let the community rid themselves of these dissenters or their divide and conquer plan will work????
Yes, I agree that these people need to be exposed, and we as a community should hold them accountable! I still believe that they are people who are working for the anti-opiate groups and they intentionally cause problems to divide us, and therefore weaken us. I may be paranoid, but I don’t understand why they would otherwise put so much effort into dividing and bullying us! If anyone is willing, please point out who these people are, or point us in the right direction. We may be supporting people who are intentionally causing harm to us over social media. I can’t understand why they would be so cruel otherwise!
Sorry to hear about all the trouble you’ve had. I guess as an Arachnoiditis sufferer I just read what you wrote, and not anyones comments. Thank you for all your good works.
I was a teacher for 25 years, before I became unable to continue teaching due to Arachnoiditis. In my profession I didn’t get many thanks and I never saw the results of my work. I’m hopeful that I inspired some students to do wonderful things with their lives when they grew into adulthood. Perhaps I even made a major difference to a student to help them to choose a life path beneficial to us all. I used to tell my students that I wanted them to be successful or course, but not for totally altruistic reasons. For if I grew old and became sick with some strange disease someday, perhaps I would have inspired one of them to become a scientist and find a cure for that very disease and to cure me. Of course I had no idea at that time what was to become of my health.
I believe you are in a somewhat similar position. For you have inspired many and helped more people than you’ll ever realize. No one can continue their works forever. We all must conclude our work on our own terms. You have earned that privilege. Move on to a well deserved next chapter in your life’s journey. Always remember, although you may never know who, or exactly how much, you have helped many. Bless you and be content in knowing your work was much needed and appreciated by those of us who suffer in pain.