The NonWorking Disabled Aren’t “Retired”, They Can’t Work; Depression And Self-Esteem Issues Are Common.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/nonworking-disabled-arent-retired-cant-work-depression-jane-l-brown?
1. Our departure from work is usually abrupt, unplanned
You have probably planned your retirement for years and dreamed about it for decades. We also dreamed about it in our former lives, but now dreaming, planning, and living it are things we’ve lost. Many of us were living our regular, routine lives one day and the next day the world crashed down on us as we learned we had a disease or suffered a trauma we couldn’t understand or control. And the nonstop questioning began; what, why, how?
For many of us who can’t work and struggle with health and financial issues, our Golden Years are not to be ones of travel and carefree days. Our new normal lives stretch ahead of us with monotonous familiarity and our Golden Years look like Never-To-Be Years, as we envision day after day of appointments, tests, physical therapy, and unpleasant side effects. Days of loneliness and 24/7 pain can loom ahead for too many of us. No retirement party, no extended vacation, no friends wishing us a happy and long retirement and wearing smiles that try to hide their envy. When we do hear “Best wishes” and “Be well” sentiments, such encouragement is often heard by us as pity and not envy. Admittedly, such interpretations are up to us, but that doesn’t make them any less real.
2. We need a semblance of normalcy in our new abnormal existence
Something, anything, not health-related! When you have to stop working for health reasons you instantly become the human equivalent of a lab rat. You are scheduled for what seem like endless medical appointments and tests, all of which induce a mix of fear, anxiety, pain, hope, and financial stress. Much of your time is spent on insurance-related paperwork and phone calls to make appointments and answer questions of insurance companies; your life is no longer under your control, you are laser-like focused on your health and all things related to it (the what ifs are endless as the Internet fuels your worst fears). There are too many days when everything you do reminds you what you’ve lost. For me, memories of that former, “horrible job” have morphed into thoughts of “I would give anything to work again!”. There are also good days when hope for a successful treatment or diagnosis, pain-free hours, or time spent with a loved one can be nothing short of exhilarating! I occasionally awaken from dreams where I have been walking and jogging again and the thrill carries over for hours. But such mood swings are not “normal” ~ Ah, to be in a nice, regular, boring rut again! {{{sigh}}} The endless insurance and government forms remind us that we’re in limbo, as the “what is your status” lists something for everyone but us. A simple “Retired Disabled” would do it, the word “Retired” standing alone means something entirely different.
3. What about a party?
Any reason for a party, a very un-medical type of event, would be welcome. Nothing fancy or expensive is necessary, just being among friends again would be fantastic. Shower us with kindness and love and you’ll see the most beautiful smile you’ve ever seen. We desperatel’iy need to know that you still consider us to be your friend, that we still matter to you. It’s really that simple.
4. Not meaning to be Debbie Downer, but . . .
I’m sorry this reads like a depressing account of what it is to be disabled, I’m optimistic and not at all depressed most days. But I know many who are and it saddens me. But even I have to admit that most commercials and programs remind me what I’ve lost, be it an activity I can’t engage in, clothes I can’t wear, makeup I can’t apply, a hairstyle I can’t arrange. Others have more difficult things to deal with to be sure, but we all have lost part of our lives, important parts.
If you know someone who has lost part of their life, help them celebrate their friendships with you and others. Their smile will make it all worthwhile. This is important, you can do it.
Filed under: General Problems
We all read articles and studies, look at the newest and most effective treatments, hope our medicine isn’t our image or identity and even though we don’t say it out loud, wish we could do what we see our friends and family doing. Maybe traveling was our best friend; it was mine. Maybe a physical sport was our daily favorite activity…lots of maybe’s and lots of hope have fallen away to having to accept how we are now and will be in the future. But we don’t hear much about disability, except in our own circles online — we hear, “so am I.” An offer to take us out somewhere we can’t go and push the wheelchair; an offer to be friends and a promise to look away from the pain and daily feelings of sickness and exhaustion. Things like that are treasures we don’t often get. We get more silence than anything else. What do healthy people say to themselves in their heads or to their friends? “She doesn’t need help, she looks good lately.” “Why would she need a wheelchair to go out?” It may not dawn on someone that we can’t stand in a line or walk from the car to a place just a block away. Maybe it is simply a matter that we know we may not be able to walk back to that car. Little examples, big obstacles. Trying hard to do little jobs or businesses to bring in an extra dollar is big. It takes more concentration and organization skills now, because of pain and feeling ill. Trying so hard to do parts of what we used to do can wear us down and poop us out, but we try still. No presidential candidates talked about disability, except when Trump mimicked and laughed at the reporter. That’s where we get things like shame, embarrassment and so many other feelings of being alone. It’s tough to be tough anymore. It’s no pity party — these things are our lives. People want friends who ride bikes, go to the gym and do trips for hunting, fishing and recreation of all sorts. Take a minute and take a day and help a disabled person. Clean a room, water the garden, pick up the groceries. But most of all, help us pass the word that we are people; most of us are seniors; and we still want all the things a healthy person does. We just need a little help now and then.
What a right on the mark article.It is sad yet also sadly comforting to know I am not as alone as I often feel.I had to stop working at 61 due to constant chronic pain and lack of mobility.At 62 I began receiving the social security that I contributed into throughout 40 some years of work.The amount is not at all adjusted to the cost of living or reality.I survive without sleeping in cardboard box because of help from my wife and her family.Without their love and help,I could not afford to live in the city I love,or the state I grew up in.
It is depressing to me to no longer be able to work and make my own way.Im thankful for the little assistance from the government,yet at the same time I hate to depend on such help.Living in a physically restrictive reality,is not the reality I ever thought would occur,and acceptance of such has been very challenging,and that’s an understatement.Ive never liked going to doctors,and throughout my younger years avoided doing so as much as possible.Now there is little choice but to do so.The Aca thanks to president Obama has made it possible to have coverage at all.There is no way I could afford medical without such programs,and my state is fortunately one that has utilized that option.Not long now and I will turn 65,and Medicaid will then be available.That is only a small part of my story,but will leave it as such,to let others know they are not alone in such conditions.
I would like to see state governments take more seriously the needs of the poor,disabled and elderly.The minimal help they provide is appreciated,and I realize budgets are always a factor.More,could be done if they would make human lives more of a priority than other projects.Seems the funding s always found to spend on other less serious projects,and if we didn’t speak up would be forgotten.
With millions of us so called boomers,not able to boom anymore,these issues will only increase.Most of us worked and contributed to our system all of our lives.Asking for adequate help is not selfish,it is necessary.
What a hitting the nail on the head explanation!
Over the past 3 years I’ve realized that I have lost all of my friends, not to anything drastic or sad, but to my disability. People these days look differently at me as a person. Not because my personality has changed, but because my disability has taken a once very active and somewhat athletic person and turned him into a reclusive couch bound barely existing human being. Other than doctors appointments or if my wife hounds me enough to go out to eat which is a rarity, My home is my prison and I rarely leave it anymore.
Still fighting for my SSDI because of a federal judge on a power trip who totally misrepresented his written transcript when he denied me compared to the audio recorded hearing he officiated, my wife and I live paycheck to paycheck on her wage alone. Which half is ate up by medical appointments and prescription costs.
Thank God for the appeals process and lawfirms willing to fight for their clients. Just too bad that it’s all a federal government process that has no sense of urgency.
The biggest problem is that trying to live on a single wage has ended up costing us so much.
First, the harsh Michigan winters had very negative impacts on my pain levels so we decided to relocate to a warmer climate. Luckily my wife and I had both worked in the casino industry so finding a place to move to in the south gave us some options. We chose Louisiana because my wife has family here and I have family within a 3 to 5 hour drive. But the move was expensive so I cashed in part of my 401k and we sold our home in Michigan.
Next. Even though she recieved a very good pell grant, having a daughter in college helped put a dent in our retirement so we had to end up cashing the rest of my 401 in to help our daughter with housing, book and living costs. So our nest egg is now cooked and we are back to living month to month, paychech to paycheck, doctors appointment to doctors appointment, utility bill and rent while pinching penny’s all the way.
There is no more vacations and there is no more golf membership. We still have 2 vehicles but can only afford to plate and insure 1. I refuse to sell it because I’m not going to sell the last thing that I personally own myself. Other than doctors bills and my drivers license, my truck is the only thing that has only my name on it and I’m not going to let that go.
My pain and disability has alienated me to the point that my only friends anymore are those who suffer from chronic pain or the family members of chronic pain sufferers who I talk to on social media. Even though I’ve never met a single one of these people face to face, these are the people that I have anything in common with anymore.
The friends of my past are no longer a part of my life. I just feel as if they have judged me for my disability instead of trying to understand what I go through daily and a lot of my family gives me the same impression. Not hearing but knowing what has or is being said behind my back is devastating. I know this because I used to say these words myself. You know the words, ” he’s just trying to get a free ride off the government.” Yes, before this all happened to me I had said these exact words about my brother in law and I honestly regret everything I said.
Before my disability I would see someone suffering from an invisible illness and not understand the pain they were suffering.
Now, I know just how wrong I was and I apologize to anyone I ever said or thought this about. I only wish it wouldn’t have taken being disabled myself to understand, I wish I could have believed in the pain before the pain. And I only wish that people who don’t suffer could understand the pain without suffering the pain so things would be different.